euphoria.

team bonanza city is currently in 2nd place. i know we're good bowlers. but i didn't know we were this good. we keep climbing up the charts, making enemies and winning pitchers of beer. deal with it.

frances is in the office next to me talking about "blazz." a mixture between blues and jazz. she spent lunch today talking about a "scientific study" she just read. this "phd" claims the shape of a woman's mouth is the same as their vagina. a pouty lip indicates "a euphoric"sexual experience. uhhhhhhh...

it's finally fucking friday. talk about a long week.

how i got pneumonia

thanks kim for making me go outside in this awesome weather! i always forget how much i love standing in the rain when it's 35 degrees while holding a large box and pounding on a door which is obviously leading to hell.

i'm going to bowl my face off tonight. im even thinking about ordering some onion rings. ive had a horrible hankering for mcdonalds chicken nuggets, a five piece would seriously turn me in to the worlds greatest bowler. maybe a side of fries, perhaps an orange drink? gross.

i've offered to travel to vermont and pretend to be alan bakers girlfriend for the weekend. can you say disaster.com?

seeing eye dog?

so i was feeling a little off today, could have been the ragger i pulled last night, or maybe because i forgot to put my contacts in this morning. i chose the latter.

titty tat? still not gone.
chugging a bottle of wine on the way to debonaire? probably not a good idea.
bowling without contacts in? chad evans is going to kill me...

ugh.

top 5 pet peeves of today-

1. mindless conversations
the woman who sits next to me came over today and was telling me about her loud neighbor. she responded to my awkward “i’m now pausing because i have nothing else to say, please go back to your desk” move with, “the trees are budding….” :::awkward silence:::: “i took my cat to the vet yesterday ::::awkward silence:::

2. the woman i constantly run into in the bathroom
she washes her face to avoid any communication.

3. my intern
he’s my intern by day, dj by night. he’s fallen off the face of the earth and stopped returning my calls. my guess is too many jager bombs.

4. nick-nacks
i keep getting stuffed objects given to me as gifts. they’re not cute little pbs trinkits, they’re more along the lines of “i found this in the sale bin at walgreens.” its quite embarrassing to have people come check out my double wide cubical and see not only my leopard print lamp shade but a wide array of trashed up objects. i’d hate to hurt anyone’s feelings but this is becoming absurd- flea market absurd.

5. whomever has been stealing my time out magazine and returning it a week later.

my ink

i put two temporary tattoos on saturday night. one of them wont come off, its strategically placed on my left breast. i completely forgot about it and wore a shirt today that keeps slipping down and revealing a large scorpion dragon.